Marriage Educator and Relationship Coach
Early in my chaplaincy, I was seeking for ways to connect with the “felt” needs of primarily young, healthy, optimistic men and women starting out their military experience. The one area most of them felt less than adequate in was in the relationship with the “significant other” in their life. This led me to early on explore marriage education and training programs that would address practical needs through which deeper spiritual growth might be enabled…even required.
Western spirituality is deeply relational in nature. The Divine, by whatever name He or She is called, is in a covenant relationship with the children of Abraham – be they Jew, Christian, or Muslim. Sacred texts reveal a God who is involved in the history of these people, as individuals and a community. Rightfully realized in its Divine arc towards increasing justice and love, history is (gender bias acknowledged)…His Story…the unfoldment of God’s horizon in exchange for the more narrow confines of humanity’s vision.
Healing and reconciliation in relationship work between people patterns the relationship work with God. A lower, self-centered view, the demand of an ego or self-will to control, is surrendered for a larger view, a more inclusive, mutual, servant call which includes a turning back from a destructive path and towards the embrace of a more generous love. We trade a human viewpoint for a divine standpoint. This pattern is repeated throughout the Biblical record.
To further my “tactical” skills I became certified in a number of relationship enhancement programs including Prepare/Enrich relationship inventories, Couple Communication, TIME (Training in Marriage Enrichment), and Covey’s 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage.
These are all techniques that may be helpful to address relationship challenges and to maximize the potentials of those relationships. More important, however, is how in sharing these approaches I work in grounding relationships on the spiritual dimensions present in the experience of each partner and the purposes they begin to see in the relationship – often beyond the ones they would say brought them into the relationship.
I do not have the qualifications that I feel are requisite to offer marriage counseling or therapy, but rather refer to myself as a marriage educator and relationship coach. I do have periodic availability to working with couples and individuals face to face or from a distance via phone or skype. I am also available for individuals and couples interested in organizing Celebrate Marriage! weekends (Friday night through all-day Saturday) in their local community.
For more information on my work as a marriage educator and relationship coach please contact me.
Couples and singles of all ages and lengths of relationship experience attend Celebrate Marriage!
Testimonies from Celebrate Marriage!
Dear Richard,
I want to express my humblest gratitude for your “Celebrate Marriage” weekend. As a recent casualty of the ‘failed’ marriage club, I wasn’t sure that I belonged in the group, but I was sure I needed the help. I’m glad I came, or more accurately, that I was led to come. Everyone there was so inspiring to me –a wonderful group of loving, joyous, real people. It was comforting to know that these people were here to “celebrate” marriage or relationships that already seemed so strong and rich. There was so much love expressed, it was hard to leave it all behind Sunday afternoon.
Over the weekend, in addition to the helpful tools and ideas you shared, I also had a physical healing. I arrived just a little early on Friday, and decided to take a quick run on the trails before dinner. Some ways into the woods, I slipped on some loose stones into a rut in the trail and twisted my ankle. I could not stand, much less run any further. But I prayed, and I thought — I had come to this weekend expecting only Good. This was not good; it couldn’t be part of the ‘Celebration’; it couldn’t be real. So I got up, and limping at first, completed my run. I went to the first session, and, I thought I was over “it,” but the pain came back the first time I stood. I almost collapsed right there, but the angel thought came back -to expect only good. Saturday, I was able to get through the sessions and activities with some little difficulties.
And then in the afternoon session, you hit the spot when you related the idea of “the test of all prayer” –you even used the example of an instantaneous healing of a broken ankle! So, what could I do to ‘love my neighbor better’ through my prayers? Earlier, I had volunteered (with some trepidation) to serve as a soloist at our Sunday church service. And I began to see this as an opportunity to better love my neighbors by sharing my love of music through my voice. I felt a little like ‘the little drummer boy’ in the Christmas song. The solo came directly from the lesson, and I sang from my heart to God and ‘my neighbors’ in our group. And when I got to the last verse, I knew the power of the Christ was with us. My ankle was perfectly strong.
“For to His angels, He’s given a command,
to guard you in all of your ways.
Upon their hands, they will bear you up
lest you dash your foot against a stone.”
Today after work, I joyously ran over 4 miles with no ill effects.
I don’t know if my wife will ever consider returning to our marriage, but I do know that I am better equipped to begin to build and maintain a life-long marital love affair. Thank you so much.
Richard,
One of the things I came away with from the weekend was that I didn’t have the most effective communication style in my marriage and it was only this weekend that I realized when I was chatting with a man friend and was sharing a talk I went to called Girls Don’t Ask that I realized I really handicapped myself or cut off my own progress of becoming an effective communicator. I always thought it was my husband who couldn’t communicate so I just stopped trying and closed up expressing what I needed and wanted. Keeping the peace became more important then effectively communicating. What I also began to see is that perhaps when we condition ourselves like this – in one relationship – does this effect how we communicate with God. Not that I haven’t experienced healing but perhaps by cutting myself off from really wrestling to seek and hear the right answer whether its was from my spouse or God, I tended to set myself up as feeling more of a victim than victorious, i.e. having experienced real healing.
Anyway … I just so appreciated your weekend sharing and everyone who attended. It was a very precious experience for me.